WannaBeGythaOgg

The decline of civility

I have a romanticized notion of how things were in bygone years. Pick an era, any era. Growing up overseas, I thought it would be great to be Marie Antoinette, for instance - well, right up until her last day, at least. Queen of France, big palaces, gorgeous dresses...thought the whole thing was great until I learned about the lack of showers, modern medicine, TV, etc.

Ok, forget that. Let's face facts, it all came to a bad end for the monarchy anyway. So how about something more modern? The old West, for instance? Those "Little House on the Prairie" books, all of which I read voraciously, made it sound sort of attractive. Still no showers, but medicine wasn't far off, and at least they bathed on a schedule. Plus they had horses and lots of chances at free land. However, since after several moments of thought I'm unable to come up with anything else I would have liked, that may not be the right idea either.

Well, let's look at the early 20th century. By now, there was a lot of medicine to combat some fairly bad illnesses. Plus cars, and if not TV, at least radio. Also one of my personal faves, the indoor toilet. Yes, there were world wars, but except for the infamous attack on Hawaii, they mostly weren't fought in our country. And from the general impression I've got of the period, there was still plenty of what's missing nowadays, despite our thoroughly modern conveniences - common courtesy.

Here's an example. My children, whom I've tried to raise with at least the bare minimum standards of politeness, enjoy holding doors for people - not just their own family members, but total strangers - whenever we're out and about. About 70% of the time, these people sail through without a word as if it's the kids' function in life to open doors on demand. The kids are rightfully indignant about this behavior, and have lately started to not bother, unless they're doing it for me. Note that they will politely thank anybody holding doors for THEM.

And here's another one. My new hobby is playing online poker. In most games, there's invariably some loser (literally and figuratively) who not only whines when losing a hand, but will also spout a variety of four- and more letter words. Although naturally I've heard all of these words before, some quite close to home (sorry to say), I find this extremely offensive. For one thing, sore losers gripe my butt. One of the most competitive people I know is my sister, and she wins regularly at a variety of games, and I might pretend I'm mad, but the fact is, whatever we're playing is just a game, and so is poker. In addition, when playing an online game where the use of "handles" instead of actual names gives no indication as to the gender, age, nationality, ethnic origin, or religious bent of the players around you, it's easy to offend quite a cross-section of society while anonymously typing epithets from the safety of one's personal computer.

This happened recently, in fact, and when at one point in the game I mentioned that I was female (thinking longingly of days when men still tipped their hats when a lady appeared), he blamed his behavior on his age - 21. I responded by saying that at 21, he can drink in bars, go to war, and endanger other drivers - certainly old enough to learn some manners. But I miss the days, at least those in my impression of the past, where that kind of conversation would not have been necessary. Granted, I'd have had to find a different hobby, but at least I wouldn't have known what I'd be missing.

There's been a lot of articles recently about the sprawl of rude behavior through society. Many of them focus on the very modern conveniences we enjoy - for instance, the use of cell phones in public. However, people have had loud conversations in public since the first caveman uttered an opinionated grunt. If the only difference nowadays is that the person on the other end of the conversation is not physically present, then that should just cut the noise level in half, from my point of view. The average line-cutter at the supermarket, though, will send me through the roof.

Maybe it's just a personal standards thing, but I wish that more people felt that manners were a lesson that should still be taught while the brain is forming. My kids and I can't bear the burden alone.

posted by PratchettFan @ 9:13 PM