The perils of parenting
This week was going pretty well, up until yesterday. That's when my 13-yr-old son, Steven, crashed his bike into the back of a parked SUV. He split the skin above his upper lip with an interesting jagged-edge cut, broke off half of a front tooth, and loosened another. Naturally this resulted in a trip to the ER, where fortunately he was put through "Express Care" (which really was pretty darn quick). He now has 18 stitches closing the cut on the upper lip, 2 stitches to hold together the INSIDE of his upper lip, and some cement to protect the tooth until I can get him to the dentist.
This isn't his first injury, but it may so far be the worst, at least in his mind. His first worry was the tooth - but I explained that modern dentistry can work far greater miracles than the fix of one broken one. Then he actually
apologized... when I asked why, he said "because it's gonna cost money". I immediately hugged him and told him that money was of FAR less importance to me than HE is. Poor kid. Now in addition to worrying about his physical recovery, I'm concerned over why he would think that I'd care about the expense, when he had an accident that could have had far worse consequences.
Frankly, despite my rather healthy salary, we have no real money to speak of, and this is definitely an expense I'm a tad worried about because it's an unknown. But we'll work through it, like we always do. I just hate it when any of my children is hurt. Steven has had more stitches by far than any of the others. Maybe it's just a boy thing...although my older daughter has had one rather nasty head wound that required 8 stitches, the boys seem to be more accident-prone. I can already see my 2-yr-old, Adam, gearing up for his own trips to the ER...he's a climber and regards all household furniture as an opportunity to improve his view. He also has no sense of his own relative frailty.
So, I spent last evening just trying to take care of poor Steven, which mostly meant fetching him very soft foods to eat. He quickly tired of ice cream, and wanted something more substantial...although all of my suggestions met with resistance. At least he was feeling good enough to argue.
I don't think anybody ever considers all the ramifications of becoming a parent...we think about how wonderful a baby would be, and how much fun it'd be to dress up a little girl in adorable outfits, and teaching our sons to play baseball and football so they can hit the big leagues...but do we think about the things that could go wrong? Even in healthy kids, the potential for damage sustained over their lifetime is pretty substantial, and then there's kids who are born behind the eight ball altogether, with some life-altering disease or condition that will require care for most of their lives. This case, in fact, applies to my daughter Catherine, who has cerebral palsy with a seizure disorder. She asked the other day, in tones of disgust, WHY I had to keep her company while she was taking her bath...and I had to explain to her that having a seizure while in a tub full of water would be very dangerous for her. Who's gonna be there to keep her safe when she's older?
I guess it's true...as a parent, you're doomed to worry about your kids for the rest of their lives. You're there to take care of them, and raise them with values and relative health, and you're in for a lot of sleepless nights right from the get-go.
I really wish somebody had told me all that a long time ago.
Sibling rivalry
My children have an interesting but unfortunate dynamic going on. I wish it could be as polite and structured as a "cold war", in a constant state of political maneuvering and detente, but that is not the case.
Sometimes I talk to other parents who hint or downright state that they are experiencing similar issues. I'm happy to have these little chats, since they let me know that my kids are not unique in this area. But most days, I'd rather have a group of budding Ghandis than my current reality.
Normally I'd list them in birth order, but let's start with the "baby" (actually, a rock'em sock'em 2-yr-old). Adam receives the most attention of anybody in the family, just because he's short and cute. The other three don't remember being short and cute, or their time as the focus of attention, although they've all been there. However, there's not a lot of resentment directed at the incumbent. His siblings all seem to adore him, and each play with him in a kind of rotation that ensures that he's rarely lonely, but which is also designed to avoid any contact with any of the other older kids.
This means that the next kid in line, Catherine (6), just about only gets attention from Adam. The established relationship with her sister is one of almost constant confrontation, so any friendly activities are pretty much non-existent. This is so far from what I remember with my own sister when we were kids that it is the probable cause of my belief that my kids are particularly unable to relate to each other as compared to those in other families.
Samantha, the 11-year-old, is moody to a ridiculous degree. My mother used to quote a little rhyme to me to describe my behavior:
There was a little girlWho had a little curlRight in the middle of her forehead.When she was good, she was very very good...But when she was bad, she was horrid.Who, me? Nah.
However, through the miracle of genetics, Samantha, who physically resembles me more than the other three while managing to be far prettier than I ever was, has inherited the 'horrid' vs. 'very very good' tendency...although the 'horrid' is exponentially worse than I believe it was with me. (I can state this with impunity, since my parents are no longer alive to dispute me.) Sam adores Adam, but treats Catherine as if she were some kind of sub-species. It'd be nice to think that I could attribute this to pre-puberty hormones, but if so, they've been going on for a REALLY LONG time.
Which brings me to my 13-year-old son, Steven. After a recent doctor visit when he answered any question posed to him with the barest minimum number of syllables possible, I asked him to leave the room, ostensibly to discuss some issue with Catherine. His pediatrician gave me a look when he left the room...she was smiling, but I immediately asked "Is this normal?" in tones of horror. The doctor assured me it was largely a function of his age. Sometimes I'm not sure the kid even remembers how to smile, since a scowl is the predominant expression lately, but fortunately, he smiles for Adam all the time when playing with him. I'm neither as short nor as cute as Adam, so apparently I'm not worthy of the same reaction.
In any case, the best I can seem to do is to keep the fighting to a minimum and try to impart why it's so darn wrong in the first place....and hope I live to see some kind of peace accord.
Why can't they be more like ME
I seem to always get stuck dealing with people whose motivations and actions don't match the why or the way I do things.
For instance, yesterday, at the supermarket with my daughter, we had finished paying & bagging and I was ready to go. I don't really love taking her with me (if that makes me a bad parent, tough) because she nags me to buy her things she doesn't need, or tries to sneak them into the cart when I'm not looking. Even more than that, though, she doesn't move as fast as I would if I were alone. The result is that we always seem to end up heading for the door at a snail's pace, stuck behind some elderly or otherwise barely mobile person, matching their pace since there's no room to go around them for whatever reason.
I think that people should walk through supermarkets following the same basic right-of-way rules that apply to driving, although most drivers seem to have real difficulty grasping things that are essentially simple. However, for you other shoppers out there, here's a few things that would certainly improve my shopping experience:
1) If you're searching along the shelves for something, put your cart right in front of you, up against the shelves. Don't leave it in the middle of the aisle, where I have to try to squeak around it, or ask you to move it. If I am forced to ask you to move it, don't give me attitude - you weren't smart enough to shift it out of the way in the first place.
2) It's called the "Express Lane" for a reason. People seem to think it's okay to "cheat" by adding more than the limit of 12 - maybe they have 14, or 18, or whatever. Those of us with 12 or less get to go first. If you're having trouble counting the items in your cart, maybe you should just let me manage your money for you too.
3) If you cut out of an aisle without first looking to see if there's oncoming traffic, you deserve to be crashed into. Try to regard this as similar to a 3 or 4-way intersection. Stop at the end of the aisle, and look to see if anybody's coming. Merge appropriately. You do NOT have the right of way at these times.
4) If, for some reason, you have trouble keeping up with the average speed, stay to the side. Some of us are in a hurry and would like to finish shopping before the perishables we've selected actually expire.
5) Do NOT waste my time arguing with the cashier and/or store management about your right to use an expired coupon. The date is clearly printed on the damn thing. If everybody around you can read it, why can't you? And what makes you think that, in clear defiance of socially accepted rules, YOU should be allowed to use one that the manufacturer will no longer accept? Suck it up and learn to pay attention to detail. In the meantime, maybe the store has some expired steaks you'd like to buy, since dates apparently have no meaning to you.
Thanks for your assistance in making MY world a brighter place.
Silly achievements
Ever done something of which you're rather proud which really has no meaning in every day life? I have DOZENS of those.
I'd love to say I'd found the cure for cancer, or figured out how to end global warming (a topic that makes me VERY nervous), or created a Utopian society that ends rape, murder, theft and bad language. Unfortunately, I haven't done any of those things.
However, I did manage, this past Sunday, to win a "Lucky Dollar" online No-Limit Texas Hold'Em tournament. The buy-in was a mere $1.10. In a field of 825 total entrants, I finished in 1st place, winning $240, thereby managing to turn a profit of $238.90. I've been on a bouncy high ever since. I mean, I made a final table! Not only that, but I beat everybody else on it, not to mention just plain everybody else!
Imagine what I could have done with the four-plus hours it took to win that tournament if I'd REALLY put my mind to something...
