WannaBeGythaOgg

Sibling rivalry

My children have an interesting but unfortunate dynamic going on. I wish it could be as polite and structured as a "cold war", in a constant state of political maneuvering and detente, but that is not the case.

Sometimes I talk to other parents who hint or downright state that they are experiencing similar issues. I'm happy to have these little chats, since they let me know that my kids are not unique in this area. But most days, I'd rather have a group of budding Ghandis than my current reality.

Normally I'd list them in birth order, but let's start with the "baby" (actually, a rock'em sock'em 2-yr-old). Adam receives the most attention of anybody in the family, just because he's short and cute. The other three don't remember being short and cute, or their time as the focus of attention, although they've all been there. However, there's not a lot of resentment directed at the incumbent. His siblings all seem to adore him, and each play with him in a kind of rotation that ensures that he's rarely lonely, but which is also designed to avoid any contact with any of the other older kids.

This means that the next kid in line, Catherine (6), just about only gets attention from Adam. The established relationship with her sister is one of almost constant confrontation, so any friendly activities are pretty much non-existent. This is so far from what I remember with my own sister when we were kids that it is the probable cause of my belief that my kids are particularly unable to relate to each other as compared to those in other families.

Samantha, the 11-year-old, is moody to a ridiculous degree. My mother used to quote a little rhyme to me to describe my behavior:

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very very good...
But when she was bad, she was horrid.

Who, me? Nah.

However, through the miracle of genetics, Samantha, who physically resembles me more than the other three while managing to be far prettier than I ever was, has inherited the 'horrid' vs. 'very very good' tendency...although the 'horrid' is exponentially worse than I believe it was with me. (I can state this with impunity, since my parents are no longer alive to dispute me.) Sam adores Adam, but treats Catherine as if she were some kind of sub-species. It'd be nice to think that I could attribute this to pre-puberty hormones, but if so, they've been going on for a REALLY LONG time.

Which brings me to my 13-year-old son, Steven. After a recent doctor visit when he answered any question posed to him with the barest minimum number of syllables possible, I asked him to leave the room, ostensibly to discuss some issue with Catherine. His pediatrician gave me a look when he left the room...she was smiling, but I immediately asked "Is this normal?" in tones of horror. The doctor assured me it was largely a function of his age. Sometimes I'm not sure the kid even remembers how to smile, since a scowl is the predominant expression lately, but fortunately, he smiles for Adam all the time when playing with him. I'm neither as short nor as cute as Adam, so apparently I'm not worthy of the same reaction.

In any case, the best I can seem to do is to keep the fighting to a minimum and try to impart why it's so darn wrong in the first place....and hope I live to see some kind of peace accord.

posted by PratchettFan @ 6:47 PM